Fanfiction: Without You
fanfiction by Emelie
Rating: R
Manga/Anime: Gravitation
He sat in the couch like so many other nights before; A glass of liquor in his right hand and a cigarette in the other. Alone. The only thing different from before was the vial of blue sleeping pills on the living room table.
That was just a new sort to add to his already stuffed medicine locker.
He put the cigarette between his lips and took the vial from the table, examining it closely. He really had no idea how he had managed to convince his doctor to give him the prescription. Maybe because he looked like shit? Well, he did. His once golden blond hair hung lifeless around his pale face. It was even streaked with silver. And he had gotten much thinner.
Or maybe the lady thought that he had trouble sleeping after Shuuichi’s death? Well… That would be more true than he would want to concede.
The pink haired idiot had been shot on stage under what he had called “the performance of the year”
He had been there, forcing his way backstage and past that lunatic American. When he had finally reached his lover, he’d been on the edge of tears. If not already crying.
There had been so much blood. On himself. On Shuu-Chan. On Nakano-Kun. He hadn’t imagined that such a small body could contain so much blood.
The scene replayed over and over again in his nightmares. Shuuichi’s shocked, tear-filled eyes, his own soothing words spoken with a tearthick and loving voice, the audience screaming and Nakano-Kun crying.
It was so unreal.
He just continued waiting. Telling himself that any minute now, Shuu-Chan would come through the door, talking endlessly about everything and nothing. Hadn’t the pink haired male said “I’ll never leave you, Yuki.”
Hadn’t he promised?!
He put his ourburned cigarette in the ashtray and refilled his glass with soothing alcohol. He took the vial from the table, toying with it.
He didn’t have to wait any longer.
He opened the lid, throwing it away-He had no need for it anymore- and spilled out the content into his hand. 24 pills. He hoped it would be enough. He propped them into his mouth all at once. It was hard to swallow but with a mouthful of whiskey, it all went down smoothly. He rather quickly became dizzy and made his way to the bedroom. He gently picked up one of Shuuichi’s tanktops and huddled up in the bed with his knees drawn to his chin.
He pressed the black fabric to his nose. It still smelled like him. God he wished he had threatened his lover better. He hated life. Life and destiny had torn away the only thing that mattered to him. It could’ve atleast given him the time to tell Shuuichi how much he loved him. Because he did.
He, Eiri Yuki, loved Shuuichi Shindou.
He felt his conscious slip away from him and he knew he should be scared.
He wasn’t.
He knew Shuuichi waited for him on the other side, his warm eyes shining and his face split into a huge grin. He would cry out “Yuki!” as he always did, and throw himself into the blond’s arms.
And Eiri would let him. Oh God he would let him.
He sighed happily when the world became dark around him.
He was going to be with Shuu again.
